Some biographical notes and...

My earliest childhood memories are those of a battered child. My  father was not a bad guy but he beat me at regular intervals. If he had one thing in common with me, he adored women. While he adored my sister, I probably did not live up to his expectations of a son. I was small, fragile light-skinned and a redhead. Because of my size and my red hair I was often the target of ridicule and assault by my bigger classmate

As a Teenager I tried to compensated my timid nature by immersing my self in sport. Skiing, running, tennis and soccer. Secretly I tried sliped into the dresses of my mother. I could not understand what was wrong with me. I liked girls, yet fantasized of being a girl. At the age of twelve I had my first experience of crossdressing. I convinced a neighbor to dress me as girl, so my sister and I could participate as twins at a local parade. I still remember, how the lipstick smelled and how smooth my lips felt, when my friend applied it over my thirsting lips.

As a young adult I was well liked by the girls, but rarely succeeded in getting to seduce them. I was like the guy “Woody Allen” plays in his films. I was a good talker, but didn’t even succeed in kissing them. I just didn’t have the courage to do it. I always hoped and dreamed, that one day a girl would take the initiative to kiss ME. It never happened. When I came to the US my chances with girls shrank further. The guys I had to compete with, where now Football and basketball players. I am 5 feet and 5 ½  Inches. Compared to them, I was tiny. Today I am happy that I’m skinny and not 6 feet. 

In between I bought some women’s cloth and a wig. When I was finished and looked into the mirror, I was horrified. What for a disappointment. Instead of the beautiful woman I had hoped for, I looked like a witch or some strange female clown. I immediately purged all cloth and accessories.

What finally prevented further failure with woman, was probably my profession as an optometrist. I finally found my wife. She was smart enough to pick brains over brawn. I started my family and my business. I succeeded with both and also, with pushing my fantasies, about being a woman, into the back. But as all of you know too well, these fantasies never leave completely. At a Halloween party I convinced my wife to participate as two girls. She helped me with the makeup. And because we where so successful (we won a price), she agreed to do it again the following year.

These two events where the trigger that brought it all back again. I did not want to continue my life, without knowing what it felt like being dressed as a woman. Now I decided that time had come to do it the proper way. I rented a small apartment. Again I bought some cloth, a wig and makeup. You all know the courage it took to take this small first step, but compared to what would lay ahead of me, it was peanuts!

Whenever I had a chance I went to this condo to dress and practice with my makeup, hair and accessories. It took about two years before I dared to go out into the street and some more years before I felt comfortable to go into one of the few lesbian bars which existed at that time. It was the beginning of a long journey. The beginning to fulfill a dream.The dream to start life over again. But this time as woman. As a beautiful woman, as an adored woman and a successful woman.

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I think I was cute

With 19 I was in the Swiss Army. By the way I was a pretty good soldier and well liked by my comrades and officers.

  First try as a woman at Halloween with my ex.Just terrible!!!!I I am not particularly proud of this or the following pictures. I only show them because I think they are part of the past and because the truth is not allways beautyful.

Second Halloween! A little bit better

My first dress, my first wig. Now I took a class in make up, with an understanding friend. She took this very first picture of me as a woman.

Another picture of the early days. In all of these pictures I was about 30 pounds heavier

My first coming out. Which means daring to leave my four walls. It was a formal event for Miss Gay. At the time I thought I was the most beautyful girl in town.

When I look at this picture today I think I looked like a clown or a drag queen at best. I don't know where I took the guts to go out.(maybe I didn't!) 

One of the better pictures of the early days. I must have learned already quite abit about makeup.Dont ask how many years back. But it's many moons ago